Sometimes people say things they shouldn't, and that night, I thought he did. You and I don't say things like that. Our points are always on topic and meaningful, but other people do this all the time. I had somewhere I wanted to go with the group that evening, so when he made that comment that just seemed a little out of the blue, I snapped at him. One impatient heart and one quick, correcting remark, and we were "back on track."
I moved on.
But God didn't. Over the next few weeks the pressure grew like someone was slowly tightening a vice grip around my skull. I had behaved poorly and should make it right, but I really didn't want to. It was too hard. Eventually the pressure was too great, and so, with trembling, I went out into the yard, pulled out my phone, and dialed his number.
"Hello? Pastor Jonny here. I have something I need to tell you."
It was hard to get going, but once I started, it got a little better. I confessed what I did. I confessed where my heart had been. I confessed my disrespect, and how that wasn't the kind of pastor I wanted to be. When I said the words, "I'm sorry," it was like a pair of dark goggles was removed from my eyes, like someone lifted a backpack full of rocks from my shoulders. When he said, "I forgive you," it was icing on the cake. What came after the hard thing was worth the difficulty.
This is the Advent message. This is the Christian story.
The whole New Testament is a community's response to trauma followed by an unforeseen, unimaginable goodness. In Matthew 26:36-44, we see Jesus struggling with the hardest thing, the weight of human evil and the mission of the cross. It seems he wanted to "move on" like I did, but Jesus pushes through, and a few days later, after a painful trial and execution, Jesus resurrects and God is vindicated. God is only resurrected after the crucifixion. Without the hard thing, the wonderful relationship and hope we have would not be possible.
Right now, is a hard time for us, but let's remember our resurrecting God. Let's remember and put one foot in front of the other. Let's remember and show kindness to that parent, teacher, student, administrator, coworker, spouse, child, friend, boss. Let's remember and join that group (see below) or do those lunges (see below), and show our hope that, beyond this difficulty, the God of the resurrection has unforeseen and unimaginable goodness.
—Pastor Jonny